I never knew there was such a thing. When my husband passed on Tuesday, August 7, 2018, I went into action. After the initial shock, I did my thing! There was so much to do. My children were so broken up. Even though they wanted to help, there was really nothing I could (or would) release to them to help me with. I felt the need to do everything myself.
On the day of my husband's homegoing service, I preached the eulogy and helped a chapel full of people to receive their salvation! I was working, the only thing I truly knew to do during this time.
But, let me tell you what I had done: I put grief on the back burner for the moment. I didn't want to take time to face the grief that was in my heart, mind, spirit, soul. I didn't want to face that thing at that time.
And I did cry. Don't get it twisted. I cried in the shower. I cried when no one else was around...for brief interludes of time. I did not cry at the homegoing service...I caught myself.
WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!
I was trying to save myself. Well, it didn't work. 15 months later, I am dealing with the repercussions of keeping my grief in an inactive mode. And it is more devastating now than if I had dealt with it and allowed it to deal with me from the beginning.
Why am I sharing this with you? I want to encourage you today to face the grief. In my upcoming book, Chronicles of Grief, Book One, I go deep into my life and talk about the griefs I have not faced because I did not know how. I never knew about such things as compound grief, delayed grief, and such. Now, after the death of my beloved husband, I am learning about these things. And I'm here to help you walk the grief path so you won't hurt in the ways I have hurt because I didn't know better.
Romans 12:15 (TPT) Celebrate with those who celebrate, and weep with those who grieve.
I want you to know at this juncture that I am here for you. I may not understand what you are facing right now; you may not understand what I am facing with the loss of the love of my life on this earth. But, I can listen to you. And I am finding that this is what I need the most: a listening ear. And if we cry in the process, that's OK, too!
Please give yourself permission to grieve...even if you don't feel like it. No one really wants to grieve. We want everything to be peachy-keen, and hunky-dory. Well, good luck with that. As long as we have life in these bodies, there are going to be things that we will grieve.
Let's help each other. I am here for you. God bless you. Beatrice